Full Grownup

This morning while drinking strong green tea and trying to shake off the last bit of this miserable flu I’ve had, I happen to check out a blog that one of my friends from childhood is authoring… The part that struck me was where she had pictures of her friends and their homes, one of which I knew from when we were little. I looked at this grown up woman in her nice house, obviously planned for photographing, but still, a very together looking lifestyle and I thought “This is a grown up woman!!!” 
I don’t know if anyone else feels like this, or everyone else feels like this, but I don’t hardly feel like an adult at all. Definitely a bit more adult than actual child, but the current that runs through me, the dismay, exhilaration and constant figuring at what the world offers is not what I would possibly imagine a grown up to feel. 
At times I’ve wondered if it isn’t partly because I started so young, having a baby at eighteen and going “full grownup” in such a one-eighty degree sort of way. It left me this feeling somewhat like I didn’t have to actually fully commit to adulthood. As long as I was doing a good job at being a mother, or at least the best I could, and everybody was well looked after, why did I have to sign myself off to a finished product, end of the road adult, fully grown up until the day I die. 
I look at my life and I see bills being paid, cars being driven to and from basketball practice for my twelve-year-old son, phone calls made to plumbers and decisions about when and whether to get the cats fixed… This is certainly not child’s play. 
I look at my friends around me, some with kids some without. Do they seem like grownups? It’s so hard to tell. In most ways no. Usually I see people struggling to figure it out, make the stitches meet up and the seams straight. From a distance I see adults, people who have crossed that line and crossed the Ts needed to be stamped “Full Grownup”. 
Any thoughts here anyone??? This truly is a question that runs in and out of my days, and I wonder about your opinions. 
                                                  ~ Marcia

8 Comments

  1. This reminds me of the day my neighbor's daughter described me as a 'nice lady.' I found myself wondering, “When did I become the 'lady' next-door?” But I also realized that it was silly of me to not be, after all I already had two kids, one nearly a teenager too.

    I've also looked at others who are my age who seem so together and adult, and wondered what happened to me; when did I miss that transition?

    I don't know the answer to your question – do they also feel like they're not yet 'grown-up'? Or do they feel like they made it to adult-hood?

    I think really the thing is that we have to keep learning how to juggle the responsibilities of being an adult, while keeping in mind that we can still be children.

    I remember thinking that being an adult was completely separate from being a child, and teenage-hood was the in-between when you could still play, and you started to learn the adult stuff. But that when you reached “adult-hood” there was no more play.

    Now of course I realize that we are simply who we are…some of us just have to remind ourselves to be a kid more often and some of us have to be reminded to be more responsible!

    Thanks for being a beautiful blend of real life Marica!

    <3 Lauren

    Reply

  2. You never really stop being the young girl in your head, it is only when you glimpse a sight of yourself in a shop window, or someone says something to you as Lauren mentions that you are suddenly pulled up sharply as to who you are now and how far you have travelled.
    I am a grandmother, my eldest granddaughter is at university, but I am still that young girl in my head.

    Reply

  3. wow…this is a good question!
    I can't think to myself as an adult in the real sense of the word…most of the time I feel like I'm 15 and…I still can't be part of the adults world…
    But…I'm 41 now and…sometimes…this could be a problem…
    I feel like Peter Pan and…I don't like to grown up!
    Hugs, Dany.

    Reply

  4. It's funny because I was pondering the same idea yesterday and I realized that when I was a child my friends parents were so old and grownup but I realize I'm the age they were now and I still feel like I'm juvenile and so I'll equipped for adult life

    Reply

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